Getting Over A Bad Breakup
My boyfriend broke up with me because he had commitment issues. It was very hard to accept since we'd been going out for a long time (over two years) and out of the blue he said he had to make a choice between marrying me or breaking up, and he chose breaking up. He said he felt he hadn't been with enough women to make a decision that would "affect the rest of his life". It was something I couldn't understand. I thought we were in love.
I got so depressed I couldn't get out of bed for weeks. My friends did their best to help, and eventually held an intervention for me (or at least that's what they called it). It involved dragging me out to a different bar every night and trying to set me up with random losers. Of course it only made things worse. I even went home with one guy just to make my friends happy, but he was horrible in bed and the next day I felt used and cheap. The guy was totally beneath me and he had an obsession with fucking me up the ass (which I eventually let him do). The next day I had so much remorse I actually cried. It was one of the lowest days I've ever had.
I let my friends think they'd 'cured' me so they'd leave me alone and it pretty much worked, except my depression got worse. It took me a long time to get my life in order again, but I eventually got over it with the help of a psychiatrist and some mild antidepressants. When I finally got off the drugs and earnestly started looking for a relationship I couldn't bring myself to go back to the bar scene, I'd had my fill of losers. Instead I turned to the Internet, the advantage being I could screen guys on a dating site to avoid the pitfalls that go with picking up some random guy in a bar.
The truth is I wasn't actually looking for a relationship (I don't think I'll be ready to commit to someone for awhile) I was looking to get laid, but only with someone I knew I wouldn't fall for, and he couldn't be obsessed with kinky sex. It worked out very well. My first experience was with a shy and gentle college guy, very similar to me. The sex was good, actually it was great at first, but after we fucked a few times I knew I was ready to progress to someone a little more exciting. He was the sexual equivalent of training wheels.
It was very nice to find out I could be with a guy and not get overly emotionally involved. Everyone who's ever been to a psychiatrist worries they're permanently crazy and most of the time they're probably right, but for me, having the power to be with a guy again and choose to leave was an affirmation of my sanity. I was out there again, single and capable of having some fun just like everyone else. I finally knew my depression was over, and that it was just a phase I went through after a bad breakup. It was relief.
After my first Internet fling I went out with a lot of guys I met on the Net, and sex was great with all of them, but my favorite by far is a guy I'm seeing on and off now. His name is Trent and he's not the sort of guy I'd like to date long term, but in bed he's amazing. I don't know how to describe what he does to me, it's like he knows my body better than I do.
He's the type of guy I'd consider never giving up, even if I married someone else. The sex is that good. There's nothing I don't want to try with him and he's very open to new things. He even made anal sex feel good, which I didn't think was possible, and with his encouragement I got my clit pierced, which I think is very cool.
Only a few of my friends know I use the Internet to find guys, but the ones I told all use it themselves. When we go to a bar now we never pick up guys. We go to dance and have some fun, just us girls. My life is great. I'm getting perfect grades at school, I'm going to pursue a master's degree next year, and I have sex when I want to, with whomever I choose.
My life has direction, I wake up happy, and I know that when I'm ready to settle down I'll be able to commit. I only wish I'd tried finding all my boyfriends online. I would never have gone out with my asshole ex, who coincidentally I also met in a bar. It would have saved me a lot of therapy bills.
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