Guilt Trip

I never thought I'd cheat on my husband, but when he got a job with a large corporation and now has to leave for months at a time it left me little choice. It's a character flaw, but I'm weak. I just can't concentrate if I don't have sex at least once a month.

When my husband's friends started noticing I was checking them out I knew I had to do something. Men are disgusting. They have no morals when it comes to sex. Two guys I thought were our 'closest friends' openly offered to have an affair not long after my husband got his job. I don't know for sure if they hit on me because they knew I would be alone, or if it was because they noticed how I was checking them out, but it scared me. It's probably a bit of both, but either way I knew I'd have to find some way to get laid or else I would eventually end up taking one (or all) of them to bed and possibly destroy my marriage.

I wouldn't trust any guy who dared to call my husband his 'friend' with keeping quiet about an affair. People say women gossip, but the truth is men do it more, especially about sex.

I solved my problem by joining an Internet dating site anonymously and searching out men who traveled a lot and wouldn't be around to cross paths. It's a lot safer to have an affair with someone I'll never see again. I haven't gone completely wild with cheating yet, but I have hooked up with a few guys over the last year, just during the months when my husband was away.

I feel really guilty about it for weeks afterwards, but the sex is so good I don't think I'll ever give it up. My preference so far lies with guys in their mid twenties (I'm twenty nine). Some of my girlfriends think I'm crazy, but to me men peak at twenty five for looks- even guys that haven't spent much time in a gym have nice chests and broad shoulders by their mid twenties. As well, sexually they're experienced enough to give me more orgasms than I can count.

The most recent affair I have going is with a marketing rep who spends most of his time in hotel rooms. His name is John and we've only done it three times, but he's also the only guy I've cheated with more than once. There are two reasons why I went back to him: It's convenient, and he's very good in bed. He knows what my situation is and doesn't care, and I can call him up anytime to set up a date. It's been hard to keep from phoning John the second my husband leaves town, but I try to have some restraint because the guilt of cheating bothers me a lot.

I'm not really attracted to John's personality very much; we have a purely sexual relationship. His body fits mine perfectly, and he likes to have sex in a lot of positions my husband doesn't like. We're just two sex starved lovers fucking like mad for hours in a hotel room, once every other month. It's something I do to keep from climbing the walls at home.

The guilt I get from cheating is the only part about having an affair that I don't like. It's especially worrisome when I'm late with my period and wondering if I'm pregnant with John's child (I'm on the pill… it's highly unlikely, but it's something I worry about). It's also especially bad when I gather my clothes up and leave the hotel room. The lust of wanting a hard cock inside me is replaced with a sober recollection of what I've just done, and the pleasant soreness and moist feeling between my legs is a reminder that another man's seed is trespassing on my marital vows.

Having a shower right after sex helps, and doing some meditating also helps keep panic attacks away. I tell myself all the time that things could be worse. I could be fucking my husband's friends. I could be going out to singles bars. I could be going completely crazy while staying faithful.

Most of the time I don't worry about it. My husband will never find out. I'm satisfied with an affair once a month when I'm left alone. I don't think I should feel guilty about it, (my husband is most likely cheating on me), I just can't help it.

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